Gay Advice I Wish I Knew At 19

Oct 19, 2021

I’ve definitely experienced a lot as a gay person ever since I officially became gay when I was like 20 years old.

Let’s recap. My first bottoming experience lasted 5 seconds because I didn’t know a single thing about bottoming, my first love was with somebody that was in a relationship with somebody else, I got my first STD as a virgin, and I bled out of my ass last summer because I douched too fast.

Yeah. Definitely been through a lot.

I don’t want other people, especially all the young gays out there, to experience all the negative things that I’ve experienced as a gay man, so if you’re reading this, I’ve got some advice for you, so stick around.

Advice #1. Be aware that you can get an STD from a blowjob.

This is definitely more known nowadays because we’re understanding the gay world more as a society, but 3 years ago… I was either a dumbass or I just genuinely was not taught this at all.

I saw a couple random dudes from the internet during a break between me and Ben (cause we had issues) and I gave them head. Didn’t swallow, nothing crazy. Only saw each of them once.

Fast forward 4 months later. Ben and I were fucking consistently at this point, summer 2019 and I went to get a routine STD screening.

Got my rapid HIV test, had a lovely woman stick a cotton swab down my throat and up my ass and had a wonderful time.

A week later someone called me on the phone while I was showering and said, “hey, we’re from Planned Parenthood, you got tested last week and we want to tell you some good news! You don’t have HIV, you don’t have gonorrhea, you don’t have syphilis” and the entire time they were talking I was like okay, yeah, something is not right, cause like, WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD THEY CALL.

And then after listing like 5 other STD’s that I do not have, they were like, “but, you did test positive for Chlamydia BUT DON’T FREAK OUT, all you have to do is come in and we’ll give you antibiotics and you’ll be clean in a week.”

First thing I did was go outside and tell my mom. She freaked out, obviously - KEEP IN MIND THAT THIS WAS LIKE ALL NEW TO ME AND TO MY MOM. LIKE I HAD JUST LOST MY VIRGINITY 3 MONTHS PRIOR.

We were so sure that Ben gave me this STD cause I was only seeing him and he’s always fucking a bunch of dudes, and I told Ben and he was like, “oh shit, I’m sorry, I can’t believe that happened, I’m gonna go get tested and get on antibiotics, blah blah blah”

Fast forward a week later, Ben had already taken his antibiotics because clinics will give you antibiotics regardless of your test results, if you tell them that your partner tested positive for an STD.

Anyway, so he got his results back, from before he took those antibiotics, and received negative results for every single STD.

And I was like, what the fuck? I didn’t sleep with anyone except Ben.

Then I remembered the blowjobs that I gave those dudes during that one break. And I called Planned Parenthood and I asked them if the Chlamydia germs were found in my throat or in my ass. And they said my throat.

And that’s when I learned that you can get an STD from a blowjob. Even if you don’t swallow, cause I definitely did not swallow these crusty hoes.

So if you’re reading this, don’t just suck off some random dude’s dick if you don’t know their status. 

I’ve never given a blowjob with a condom on and I can’t imagine that feeling good… So just have your partner get tested and then do the nasties, or just don’t give random gross strangers head. Give them a handjob or something.

I talk about Safe Sex in detail on my brand new course on BOTTOMING, so click the button at the very bottom of this page to check it out.

std chlamydia GIF


Advice #2. Don’t be scared of bottoming.

Listen up, okay, just listen up.

Every man, gay or straight, needs to have his prostate stimulated at some point in his life because it is the best feeling in the world. Call me a whore, I don’t care, I’m literally not wrong and I will die on this hill. 

Getting fucked in the ass almost every week for the last 3 years has given me... Energy. Clarity. Passion. A life purpose.

Just kidding (I'm not kidding) but like honestly, I used to be terrified of bottoming.

I remember when I was sexually confused growing up and I would tell my friends like, I wanna try it with guys but anal sex just sounds so dirty and painful I can’t imagine it ever feeling good.

Boy was I mistaken because, bottoming or just prostate stimulation from the back door in general… *chef’s kiss*

As long as you use the bathroom and douche a little bit before so you’re not anxious about being dirty, and as long as you prepare yourself mentally and physically during foreplay, you’re literally good to go.

If you’re reading this and you’re curious about bottoming, and you’re like on the line trying to get a sign that will tell you to just try it… here’s your green light baby. 

You’re in for the sweetest ride of your motherfuckin' life.

Don’t forget to use a shitton of lube, and let me know how your experience goes.

My brand new course on BOTTOMING is finally ready for you, so click the button at the very bottom of this page to check it out.

Lara Dutta Bell GIF by Pooja Entertainment


Dude, trust me... Unrequited love is one of the most painful things that we have to go through sometimes.

For me, it was, and still is, a little tougher to navigate, just cause at some point, lines were blurred, communication was bad, I might’ve been led on, we also became really good friends...

But ultimately, no matter how messy things got, at the end of the day - he didn’t want to be in an exclusive, real relationship with me. 

And sometimes it’s so hard to accept that, cause we’re having sex, we have all these great memories, we go out together, he’s one of my best friends, I respect and adore him and he just  makes me feel like the happiest person in the world when I’m with him.

Like, no cap.

But honestly, I just have to remember that I don’t want to be with him unless he genuinely wants to be with me, too.

I have to switch the gears in my brain because I’m lucky that this amazing thing has gone on for this long, despite the shit that people say, because no one understands our relationship more than we do. And I’m done going into detail about me and him because no matter what I say, people are just going to keep seeing me as this clown for staying in this situation.

I don’t care anymore. I love him so fucking much, and when you love someone, there’s two sides to it.

There’s that part of the love that’s clouded with jealousy and obsession - the part of your love that wants him all to yourself, that gets you so stressed out over every little thing that he says and every little thing that he does that honestly, is none of your business.

It’s the core feeling that gets you to disregard HIS happiness, and what HE wants. It’s the feeling that gets you confused about what YOU really want and puts a bandaid over what you need to be working on internally - separate from him. 

Because the truth is, if you’re getting that worked up over somebody, that says more about you than it does about him.

However, there’s also that part of your love that wants him to be happy. That wants him to be free to do whatever he wants with his life, because he deserves it.

Focus on this part of your love for somebody and try your best to let go of the toxic side of you that’s filled with anxiety and craves his attention all day and all night.

It’s all really hard to deal with. Fuck, it’s all a work in progress for me, right?

It’s like every single day, every single hour, there’s a mental habit that you have to break in your mind. And it’s exhausting. But I tell myself that it’ll be worth it.

So, if you like somebody that doesn’t like you back, I hear you, I see you, and I know how you feel.

What keeps me grounded is remembering that someday, for whatever reason, he and I are gonna have to stop seeing each other in the same way. 

We aren't going to last forever. Obviously.

Every friend with benefits has a shelf life. And unless we end up dating and happily get married forever, which is absurdly unrealistic... We’re not going to have the same relationship that we have today.

One of us could move away, or find someone else that we love, or we could just drift apart, or whatever.

When that day comes, I don’t want to be somebody that has to resort to hating him just so I could be able to cope with the pain.

Because I love him. And I want him to be happy and I wanna be able to celebrate life with him, without all the jealousy and obsession and any negative thing... As a good friend.

Life isn’t going to get easier. We shouldn’t get so worked up over little things now when life is this good at this current moment, because someday, worse things are gonna happen.

And we have to be ready. And we have to be OKAY.

SORRY that was a lot. Yeah. You’ll be okay. Branch out and find happiness in other areas of your life.

The Office Reaction GIF

Okay, so that’s the advice that I’ve got for today. Let me know if you like this type of content because I love reflecting on my own life to help you out, since it helps me process things better and also helps me and you grow as people simultaneously.

Win win.

I love you guys, stay tuned for more.

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